Male Intuition

I heard a girl once ask why guys didn't have their own version of female intuition. Well, maybe I did, maybe I didn't. It's hard to recall, as there was a lot of alcohol involved. What the hell, for the sake of this piece, I'll claim someone said it to me, once upon a blue moon.

Ahywho.

Thing is, guys do have their own kind of intuition. Actually, it's like counter-intuition. Guys have a little voice inside them that constantly urges them to do very, very stupid things.

It's the voice a guy hears when he decides it might be fun to wrestle an alligator, just for the hell of it. And because his friends are calling him a pussy. And he's been drinking.

It's the voice a guy hears that tells him that if he gets on a skateboard, builds up some speed, rides this curving structure up until he runs out of wall, and then tries some kind weird acrobatic move, after which he will theoretically be able to land safely, it would be 'cool'. Or, worse still, 'hardcore'.

In case you didn't know, the word 'hardcore', when used by, well, any male, is synonymous with the word 'dangerous'. And the words 'intensely stupid'. It's a way of letting other know that they really should watch whatever this muttonhead is trying to do, as it will likely kill him, and will definitely make a funny story for others.

This is the same little voice that convinces guys that every girl they meet wants them. Nuns, a pal's mom, angry butch lesbians, it doesn't matter. The voice says, 'They need you, you, to straighten them out. Don't deny them your essence. It would be cruel.

This is the voice that whispers, 'If she were awake, she'd say yes. You're fine. Go ahead.'

Believe it or not, male intuition makes most men even stupider than they are normally. Like some kind of genetic herd-thinning instinct, a way to improve the breed as a whole.

And produce really funny YouTube videos. I could watch those all day.

All day, I tells ya.