Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Why I'll never have a kid...
There's only room in my life for one person that looks like a pile of uncooked bread dough.
And that's ME!
And that's ME!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
#2 is the International Space Station
Number 3 on the list of all time best places to fall down a flight of stairs: Hasbro's Nerf factory!
Monday, October 20, 2008
A Little Angel
Most years, as Halloween started to creep up, may parents would eventually recount the story of the Little Angel.
Seems like, back in the before time, in the long, long ago, before they had decided to get around to their purpose in life, namely, having and raising me, my parents were occupied with giving away candy, one dark All Hallows Eve. And, late on the aforementioned evening, when all candy had been disbursed to smiling, costumed cherubs, a final knock was heard at the door, just before the porch light was doused.
Not wishing to be rude, my parents opened the door, and were greeted with the sight of a young girl, decked out in the finery of one of the Lord's own servants, wings and all. The wide-eyed, solemn, and be-winged urchin spoke not, but simply held out the bag she carried, already filled with the sweet swag of a profitable evening.
Both my parents were nonplussed, but didn't want to send the hopeful youngster away empty-handed, fearing that such disappointment would lead inevitably to a life of dissolution, communism, and chicken-raping. So, thinking quickly, my father made haste to our kitchen, laid hands upon a bright red apple, and, returning to the front door, dropped the fruit into the still-open bag.
The little angel looked into the bag at the gift she had received, then spoke to my father.
"You broke my cookies, you dumb shit."
Seems like, back in the before time, in the long, long ago, before they had decided to get around to their purpose in life, namely, having and raising me, my parents were occupied with giving away candy, one dark All Hallows Eve. And, late on the aforementioned evening, when all candy had been disbursed to smiling, costumed cherubs, a final knock was heard at the door, just before the porch light was doused.
Not wishing to be rude, my parents opened the door, and were greeted with the sight of a young girl, decked out in the finery of one of the Lord's own servants, wings and all. The wide-eyed, solemn, and be-winged urchin spoke not, but simply held out the bag she carried, already filled with the sweet swag of a profitable evening.
Both my parents were nonplussed, but didn't want to send the hopeful youngster away empty-handed, fearing that such disappointment would lead inevitably to a life of dissolution, communism, and chicken-raping. So, thinking quickly, my father made haste to our kitchen, laid hands upon a bright red apple, and, returning to the front door, dropped the fruit into the still-open bag.
The little angel looked into the bag at the gift she had received, then spoke to my father.
"You broke my cookies, you dumb shit."
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Heh
Dark, unsettling, malevolent, surprisingly thoughtful. Truly a comic for the 21st century.
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php
I feel all warm and fuzzy now.
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php
I feel all warm and fuzzy now.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Where everybody knows your name.
It crossed my mind that I was ordering Chinese food too often today. The proof was in this exchange:
"Hi, I'd like to make an order for delivery?"
"You the guy down the street, right? You want Mongolian Beef again?"
"Hi, I'd like to make an order for delivery?"
"You the guy down the street, right? You want Mongolian Beef again?"
Friday, October 10, 2008
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