Mean Joe Queenan

I like Joe Queenan.

For those of you who have never heard of this sage of the cineplex, I envy you. You get to go out and pick up one of Joe's books, maybe 'Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler' or 'If You're Talking to Me, Your Career Must Be In Trouble' or suchlike, and experience the joy of reading the man's take on the world of entertainment. And by 'take on', I mean 'evisceration of', because Joe, man, Joe's mean.

Joe Queenan is, pretty much by his own admission, a professional bastard. This guy actually wrote a book about his attempt to be a good person, in which he takes the time to go through his complete written works to determine how many evil things he's said over the years, with only a little 'well, this guy deserved it' back-pedaling.

Being good didn't take.

Of course, he's not just mean. Just being mean would make him a depressing read. Joe is funny as hell. He's a virtual compendium of nasty remarks that you wish you'd said to someone, and will try to remember for future use. In the words of Dave Barry: "If you're a fan of informed viciousness (and who isn't?), you'll love Joe Queenan."

How can you not like a guy who once spent and entire day being Mickey Rourke? Who's made not one but three attempts to actually perform some of the less likely stunts that appear in movies, and has concluded, after endangering life and limb, that movies are full of shit? A guy who once described Abraham Lincoln as "looking like he'd come in a distant second in an ax fight with a stegosaurus"?

Beautiful.