Ah, senseless ramblings, how I love thee...

It gives me no end of pleasure to announce that I have been hired to write my own comic book. It’s the culmination of a life long dream, and I know you all wish me well in my new endeavor.

My creative genius was recognized by the fine people at Smogtrouser Comics. My magnum opus will center on the heroic doings of The Spork, and his trusty sidekick Johnny the Wonder Something-or-Other. I plan on having a large supporting cast, to include other heroes, such as the Polydactyl Cat, Mr. Macramé, and Eddie December, Somnambulist Detective, as well as normal people, like Nancy Blastula, Utembe Fischbein, and Old Glad-Handin’ Jebus, respectively the girlfriend, co-worker, and personal savior of The Spork’s secret identity, Hobart K. Sporcman, the Archbishop of Canterbury. Much like Superman’s identity being disguised by a simple pair of glasses, no one believes that His Archbishopness and The Spork are the same person because Sporcman spells his name with a c, and The Spork with a k. Look for the first issue, ‘Ferris Wheel of Baffling Ennui’, in which The Spork and Johnny the Wonder Something-or-Other* face off with The Spork’s arch-nemesis, Crab-Meat-Salad Man, and his gang, The Condiments of Lyle MacIntyre, to hit the stands sometime around 10:30 tomorrow morning. Art rendered by former Vice-President of the United States Dan Quayle, lettering by a Norwegian Bandy-Legged Macaque named Simon.

Buy a dozen copies for everyone you’ve ever met, won’t you? As we say here at Smogtrouser, “Onward To Lunch, Preferably Something Light, That Won’t Interfere With The Taste Of My Pint Of Gin!” You heard it here first, true believers!
















*Tragically, Johnny the Wonder Something-or-Other will choke to death on a corn-dog bone at whatever point it becomes necessary to raise sales by killing a main character. Probably sometime around issue #3. So don’t get too, y’know, attached. I’m just saying, is all.