Resolution

It's not my normal thing, but this year, I made a new year's resolution.

I've decided to only have sex in the month of February.

And, I'm back-dating this resolution to the year 2000.

This is not because I expect to actually have sex in February. No, no, no. That way lies madness.

This is just so that I can look back at the last decade and make a reasonable claim to only having been involuntarily celibate for nine months. The rest of the time, I simply wallowed in my own purity.

Also, having not gotten laid for nine consecutive Februaries minimizes the overall total days of involuntary celibacy I have to admit to.

Quality of life, my children, CAN be directly tied to which particular delusions one chooses to embrace. Believe it.