Thought of by an interesting mind

My mom once saw, out in the wilds of Pennsylvania, a sign advertising 'Freshly Mined Coal!'

Coming to grips

I'm in pretty good shape. Well, I think I'm in better shape than the next guy, as long as the next guy in question is Jack Black. Or Jonah Hill. Maybe the late Marlon Brando.

OK, I'm in crappy shape. How crappy, I did not realize until this morning, when the act of getting out of bed left me gasping for breath. Hell, I had to take a nap to recover.

Sometimes, there is no answer

No matter how many different dream interpretation websites I check out, nobody seems to be able to tell me what it means when you dream that you're being beaten at ping-pong by the wicked serve of F. Murray Abraham.

Fin de Siecle

So it’s the end-times, as I think the existence of competitive cup-stacking proves. But what does that mean, to average folks like you and me? What is the role of the common man in the coming storm of chaos? When the craziness begins, when various gods begin returning, when the asteroids rain down from the sky and the war of angels commences, when the stars begin to go out and various diseases run rampant through the land, where do you fit in?

Well, this is an important question. The last thing you want, when the winds of final destruction begin to blow, is to be caught off guard. Much like when one graduates from high school, it benefits one to decide in which direction they would like to head when the world enters the mouth of madness.

Now, some might claim that your options re: the end of time and space are limited. But this is a needlessly shortsighted view. Given the breakdown of law and order, not to mention basic morality, your choices are actually much wider than they are in everyday life. So let your imagination run wild! Did you like Mad Max? Get yourself a muscle car, weld on some armor plate, lay hands an autofire shotgun and a cool leather jacket, and you’re in business. If you prefer something that will still let you hang out with your friends, have three or four pals throw on face paint and some old football armor with fur stapled to it, and run amok on dirt bikes. Maybe throw in a couple of steel pipes, or a bat with nails driven through the hittin’ end.

Myself, I’m going the whole ‘heavily defended bunker’ route. I’m slowly digging a deep hole/tunnel system. It’s amazing how much work you can do with a jackhammer when you’re living in an extended-stay motel. When my shipments of guns, ramen and …other things comes in, I’ll be ready for anything. I’ll sit tight, occasionally harvesting fresh meat from attackers, and wait for the final end.

But, when that end does come, stop on by, won’t you? You’ll find me sitting atop the pile of rubble that used to be this hotel. We’ll hoist a glass of champagne while we wait for the final shockwave to tear the flesh from our bones!